Blog 3: Koru

Koru:

“The Maori word for an unfurling fern frond”.

In the beginning of the pandemic I spiraled endlessly, no resting place for my brain. Being a processor, leaning toward obsessive, I tend to think and think and think until I find one or more solutions to move forward or at least rest somewhat peacefully for a bit. I found the closest thing to calm when I was outside. It started in the community garden at my work. The soil, the sun, rain, clouds, the gentle breeze carrying the sounds and smells of spring all helped me find familiar ground to perch on. My brain kept going, but mixed with the comforting familiarity of working in the garden, it was bearable. My anxiety could rest just for a moment.

The next place I found peace was outside on the local nearby trails. I discovered so many things during these walks and hikes. I was distracted from my endless covid anxiety…distracted by the movement of my feet, the world around me, spring unfolding. I watched the snow melt, the trees bud, a whole cycle of nature birthing that I had never truly taken time to notice. I learned the cycle of insects, of weeds, of nature. But the hugest impact of this time outside was learning to control the spiral. I learned how to notice the unfurling of my being. Instead of being out of control and coming at me in a panic inducing frenzy, my thoughts slowed down and I could look at each one. Recognize it. Feel it. Set it aside. Let it go.